Before anyone misjudges me further, at least listen to my side.
As I am now 47+ and considered pre-menopausal, my gynaecologist suggested I have a Bone Density scan done to see if my spine has deteriorated. I had this done on 14 January, 2008. I wasn't happy with the the picture even though I didn't know what it meant, and I was right. The result sheet said
WHO Classification: Osteopenia
Fracture Risk: Increased
My orthopaedic doctor, a surgeon, noted this and said that any surgery, if necessary, had to be postponed. Osteopenia means that my Bone Mineral Density (BMD) is lower than peak, but has not become osteoporosis yet. If left unchecked, my spine will deteriorate further, so I am now on Calcium supplements. The bone density has to be high, otherwise it cannot take the hammering of the titanium implant to the two lumbar vertebrae. Furthermore, he said that my present condition does not require surgery yet.
Let it be known that surgery was not even considered by me when the fund was set up. I will opt for it when and if necessary. I have heard of cases where surgery was performed three times due to dislocation of the implant post-sugery, followed by infection that needed healing. As I said in an earlier post, there are risks involved, and I am considering if it is worth more than where I stand now.
I have bought the lumbar support I needed. I have a cashier receipt but thought it insufficient so I rang the pharmacy for a proper receipt which will be posted to me. I have not received it yet. I include two pictures of the lumbar support. The pic of the male model is the one I bought. The pic of the female model shows how the back looks like. Unfortunately, the back pic is very small. The receipt will be scanned and upped when I receive it.
As to the mattress, back cushion, seat cushion, and feet wear, let met state that they are what I needed but had let go off because we couldn't afford it. Since surgery is not an immediate option, I thougth of at least having these equipment to help my daily life. My present mattress, being spring enveloped by sabut, tends to sag after a while and I struggle to turn it over. Buying a mattress in not easy. Even after testing I'm never sure if it supports me well after a period of use. The seat and back cushion is to support my back, hips, and legs when sitting for long periods. Even with a lumbar support does not mean I'm discomfort and pain free. I have to live with it. The special insole is from a shop at The Curve, called ScheinOrthopaedics, specialising in insoles for people with back or feet problems that can be helped by wearing the right footwear. The insoles provide the right support to each individual's feet by first scanning them. It has to be ordered from Germany. I don't know if the insole can be worn with other footwear or preferably, by ScheinOrthopaedics itself. I have just spent almost 6 hours walking around a shopping centre because there was no electricity in the area from 11 am to 6 pm. My back is very sore even though I wore my lumbar support, my legs felt like collapsing, and my ankles were painful. I was wearing normal Comfit sandals that didn't provide me cushioning or support.
On why I feel having cash in hand is better. It helps make travelling, perusing, and shopping for the products less tiring for my parents and myself. They travel with me so that in the event I cannot drive, my father takes over. And of course, mothers like to be included. Please remember that our daily lives are no longer as easy and taken for granted as normal people. My mother too, would prefer to be able to purchase these items immediately if they are suitable and available, unless and only unless, they are not in the shop and have to be ordered. And, as I've experienced before, when ordering a product most likely the store requires that I pay a downpayment. I certainly would prefer that they did not as we can't afford to.
I know the fund was set up without my knowing, paid in good faith by those concerned, as Crappy has pointed out. So far, only one person in a much earlier post, has said that whatever monies he/she donated should be released as trust has been placed upon me to do the right thing. Yes, the fund was set up for surgery. But conditions have changed. Surgery may not be possible and necessary. In the meantime, I am facing hurdles every single day to live as normal a life as possible. I struggle to perform most things, from getting into bed, turning, or getting out of bed. I use a daybed so that I can grab the bars on the side to pull me up or to turn. Simple things as brushing teeth, washing dishes, or picking things up from the floor is not without effort. I may need an extender later if picking things up is harder than it is now. I cannot walk for long, even sit. Worse if my left leg starts to throb or if there is a pull somewhere. Nothing is comfortable. I have good days where its not too bad, days when its tolerable, and bad when even lying down causes discomfort. None of you will know what its like until you develop my condition.
The fund was set up for me. Did you trust me then, to do the right thing? It looks like most do not. The fund was set up to help me. I need help, and if trust was there, why the need for documentation to prove that I am really going to use it for honourable reasons? Its just extending time and making me work more. If I go to ScheinOrthopaedics to find out more about the insole and find it suitable, I would like to be able to place an order straight away. And I won't be surprised if they require a downpayment. Now I am expected to return home, present quotation or whatever to you, then make another journey back to the store to place the order. I live in Kajang, not around the corner from Mutiara Damansara, Petaling Jaya.
I understand about doing what's right. I don't understand the brouhaha about releasing the fund to the person its meant for, hindering easier excess to use it for no other reason than connected with the problems, and addding more unncessary burden. I suggested to Reuben to present this case to those concerned. What I didn't expect was for most of you to misjudge me and misunderstand my position, before I had a chance to explain. I could have been rude and just asked for the money out front, but instead have always discussed my position with Reuben. But this is not what I expected and am surprised. All I ask is that you consider my side before making a hasty decision.
I want to make clear to everyone here that my father is retired and none of us are working. We are living on charity. There is no pension. We lost our house to the bank then to Danaharta. We live in a low cost house in Kajang, paid for by an uncle for a year and a half. After that, its up to us. I am unable to work fulltime, and am trying to see if I can do something part time. However, it might not be sufficient for all our needs, as it already is. I admit all this because I am tired and fed up by the judgements thrown my way.
1.32am:
Reuben, you surprise me, after the talks on the phone, at the shoutbox, to say you don't trust me and whatnots because I asked for easier access to the fund set up to help me. Never in my mind did I expect so many to say negative things that are simply untrue. Instead of focusing on yourselves, people, why don't you have some empathy and imagine being in my shoes.
